Your daughter watches “Finding Nemo” for the first time and becomes very upset when Nemo’s mother dies at the start of the film. You comfort her appropriately, and she seems to recover. After all, children are surprisingly resilient, and your daughter will surely forget all about the scene soon. Weeks (or even months) later, your daughter starts displaying unusually severe separation anxiety. She’s reticent when questioned, but you assume something very recent has triggered her increased anxiety.
Unfortunately, though children are indeed resilient, they often become haunted by the scary things they see in life, on TV, and even in dreams. Sometimes they dwell on things that frighten them, spending days reliving their fear. In other instances, the scary event only slips into their minds when triggered by unrelated anxiety, random association, or perhaps a relevant song. Either way, children often feel embarrassed by their inability to release scary memories from the past. Encourage your child to share her feelings by listening with interest, respect, and love. Never mock a child for dwelling on old fears; you may be tempted to say “You’re still upset about that?” but it’s important that you display support instead.
If your child expresses lingering or recurrent anxiety about a minor trauma in the past, explain that it’s normal to sometimes feel stuck with a fear, and then help her address the fear directly. Humor can be helpful (“I promise not to get eaten by a fish”) if your child fears supported and respected. If your child cannot release her fear, it may be necessary to discuss the issue with your pediatrician or mental health professional.
If your child has experienced significant trauma in the past, it’s crucial that you speak to an expert as soon as possible.